The Year of Re-Alignment & Fresh Perspectives

If I could pick three individual words to describe 2019, I would choose:

growth ~ awakening ~ preparation

because this year really did feel like the final push towards a bigger and better chapter to soon be revealed. In fact, it felt like my whole identity and story was re-written this year as I delved deeper on a spiritual level about who I am and who I want to be. This wasn’t because I had lost myself or felt I was unsure of my purpose, but instead I was able to truly heal and create the new, next level me. The me that doesn’t sit and question her worth anymore, the me that feels 100% confident, sexy, supported and sure of herself. The me that thrives and doesn’t let fear hold her back. This is the woman I have gotten to know closely and beautifully along the way this year.

I started my year with heartbreak, and felt a sense of loneliness and contentment all at the same time, as I made a decision and followed through with an ending of an experience I had never gone through before, but I was proud of myself for stepping outside of my comfort zone, and healing my soul in the process. From that day forward I took each day step by step, some days were a struggle and others I relished in because healing is linear and always will be no matter the circumstances. I learnt this year how to be more gentle on myself, and how to self-soothe my pain and eventually my wounds turned into my strengths. My battle scars are something I’m proud of. I may not always talk about that, as they are part of my old story but they will always leave a piece of themselves in my heart which I carry.

This year I endured heartbreak in two ways, with two different intimate relationships; neither of which I was prepared for, but through it I was able to find myself again and not in the same way. Heartbreak is never easy regardless of the person, the duration of the relationship or how it ends, it always hurts but that pain won’t leave a stain on my heart. This year I found the inner goddess within me. Both of these relationships pushed me to learn more about myself, what I do and don’t want and left me feeling hollow inside, until I re-built myself again and used the rebels of their love to build a castle up around my pure, golden, devoted heart and soul.

This year I healed and healed and healed until it no longer hurt, even on the days where I thought I had done it all, I realised that there is no expiration date or finishing line for healing. There will be good days and there will be days that are painful to go through, it’s all a process and I am grateful for all the days I felt loss, pain, love, heartbreak and agony because soon again my hope shone through and like a big cuddle from someone up above I was okay again. Through all of this I learnt about resilience, I learnt about blaming consciously, I learnt more about forgiveness; and as always the Universe gave me plenty of opportunities to put into action the lessons I had learnt so thank you Universe, for being my friend, my rock and my confidant in all of this. For hearing my cries at night-time and giving me hope and strength the next day. I’m now smiling and my heart remains open because of my faith in you.

My biggest lesson learnt this year, was how to learn to trust myself and stand in my true, authentic self. To know my worth and feel it whole-heartedly because when you understand your worth nobody will get in your way. I was never one to think that I’d had trust issues so when my recent and beautiful life coach made me aware of this everything for me changed and the Universe made me see it through my own eyes. This was one of the biggest struggles and hurdles for me, however I was so proud the moment I finally understood how to do this, I trusted myself with a big decision and followed through on it without any hesitation because finally I saw my true worth and value. The outcome wasn’t what I had expected, but the rewards were so much bigger than I could imagine because that’s the thing with shifts and transitions, we don’t always feel them. Sometimes when we are doing the inner work it can feel really noisy and chaotic; a big struggle and other days it feels like a quiet and peaceful shift and they are the most amazing experiences to cherish.

In 2019, I learnt to celebrate my life, and my accomplishments; big and small. This year I had so many amazing milestones and accomplishments to be proud of, such as graduating from my Bachelor’s Degree before my 21st birthday, starting three brand new jobs; one including having my own sub-contracted business and then there were the other quieter accomplishments, like getting out of a toxic relationship or partnership (more than once), standing up for myself, and putting up boundaries. These things all deserve acknowledgement because this is where growth and strength stems from. Some of these lessons may still be a work in progress, but I can reassure myself that it’s okay for two reasons:

because I’m not the same woman walking out of 2019 as I was walking in to it and because I’m human and this year I let myself be more human than ever.

I stopped beating myself up for small failures and stopped placing expectations on myself and on others. There were days I felt a mental and physical struggle to get up and go to the gym and everything in me wanted to put myself down for it, but I stopped, breathed, and resisted. I wouldn’t put down a friend for not doing that so why should I make exceptions for myself?!

This year I became my own best friend again and loved myself more than the years before. To be truthfully honest, it feels like every year my relationship with myself is getting stronger and better so I’m really excited to keep elevating next year. I had the amazing opportunity this year to meet and connect with so many thoughtful, soulful, beautiful, heartwarming leaders, mentors, students and people. People that helped to guide, shape, lift and impact my life in one way or another. Some of these people awakened different parts of who I am and made me realise powerful truths to step into my feminine and spiritual authenticity, some of these people helped love me more on the days I struggled to and put me back up on my feet and some of these people became my closest and dearest friends in life; my soul sisters. I felt immensely blessed and grateful to celebrate my life on my 21st birthday with so many incredible friends, family members and loved ones around me. There is nothing more sentimental or special to me than presence and the presence on that night truly made my night everything I could’ve wished for. This year was a big year of connection, love and friendship and I can only wish for more of this in 2020.

In 2020, I wish to dance more, to become a student as well as the teacher when necessary. I wish to love unconditionally and feel an abundance of warmth and love from every person I meet, I wish to move my body and feel joy, I wish for my belly aches from laughing too hard and less heartaches from crying too much. I wish for strength, I wish for happiness, I wish for wealth and abundance, not just in my wallet but in all areas of my life, I wish to make an impact on someone’s life, I wish to be someone’s reason to smile, I wish for soul-changing adventures, I wish to travel more and see more of this world we live in, I wish to explore more of the next level me and as I say goodbye to not just the past year, but the past decade I want to reassure you that everything that has happened until this moment was for a reason and in the next decade more healing, lessons, happiness and love will unfold in ways you can’t even imagine. All of your manifestations and desires will come to fruition. I hope you are ready beautiful for the next epic, awakening, radiating year that is coming to you.

I love you so much and I am so proud of everything you have achieved this year. You have impacted more people than you already know so keep shining that gorgeous and bright light of yours, the people who are meant to stay by your side will always find their way to you.

Unconditional love always,

E x